SILENCE....

God has a sense of humor. I have experienced that my times. One that I will always remember is going out on CCC Lake Tahoe Summer Project saying multiple times, I will not work at McDonald's. I REFUSE to work at McDonald's. Well, guess what...I worked at McDonald's - and I love it!!! It was a great experience.

But I write this time about God's sense of humor in a little different way. As I sit writing, I cannot talk. I have lost my voice. This has never happened to me before. The funny thing is that I lost it this weekend at a women's conference in Birmingham. I had had a sore throat this week, but nothing too big. My voice was horse and got worse and then by Saturday afternoon I could barely talk. Funny thing is that in this, God has taught me something that I don't think that I would have learned otherwise...

We sang a song at the conference that had the words "I lift my voice to the Lord." Well, not having a voice at the time made me think. God said to me - "it is not necessarily your voice, but your heart that I want you to lift to me." I think that sometimes it can be just words that we sing, rather than a state of our heart. It really helped me focus on my heart rather than just on the words we were singing. Because so many times, I use praise and worship as a prayer and I sing it with my voice. I mean, I feel the words in my heart, but I have never sung the words with my heart. This time, I really experienced singing the song with my heart and not my voice. That was a great experience.

Since I have not regained my voice yet, I am sure that God will show me more things that I need to learn as well. But in that I also struggle with when is it going to come back. It is difficult not being able to talk. If I want to talk to Dane, I have to walk over to him, tap him on the shoulder and he has to turn around and look at me while I mouth the words to him. I cannot talk to him while he is in the den and I am in the kitchen. When I hear Parker say or do something that is not the best, I have to walk over to him and get him to look at me while I try to mouth to him. Have you ever tried to get a 4 year old to look at you for a while and try to read your lips? That has been an interesting experience. But most of all, other things have affected me - such as Mollie brought me a book that she wanted me to read that I have read to her many times before - and I could not read it to her tonight. I had to get Parker to read it to her the best that he could (Dane was at a meeting - otherwise he would have been reading it!!) Also, I always read Parker a Bible story at night and we pray aloud together (one of my most favorite times with him) - but I could not do that tonight. But Dane did - but I love doing that and spending that time with Parker. It makes me think, when will I be able to read the Bible to him again? When will I be able to call my husband on the phone and verbally tell him "I love you," instead of texting it to him? But with all those thoughts, I hold on to the thought that my God is awesome, He is a healer and and He is in control. For that, I am thankful. I will never be more thankful for my voice as I will when I hear it again!! :)

Until next time....